my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize
