I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
