Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
