Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
