just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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