How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
