I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My dick has a subreddit
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
