I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
