Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
