the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
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