please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
