I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
