If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
