You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
