Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
