Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You are the jesus of drinking
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
