I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
