When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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