I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
