U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
