I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
