He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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