I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
