why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
