Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
