Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
