I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
