I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
