i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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