Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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