I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
