Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
