the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
