Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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