I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
