Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize