i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
