The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
