I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We have so much sex to catch up on
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
