did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
