u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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