I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
