Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
