Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
