I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
