Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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