whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
