he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize