Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
