hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
