Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
