I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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