your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
