he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
