things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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