the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
