i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
