genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
well you can't waste a boner
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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