My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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