Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
