Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Im part way to drunk.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
