i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
